Dave Barry, anti-chickenism, and editor religion are funny.
Accept the Internet's omniscience!
Yes, fuck you, I like South Park as much as the next guy. See the short that started it all, The Spirit of Christmas. It's huge, baby!
This is my official Unix system administration philosophy:
Shut up, be happy. The conveniences you demanded are now mandatory.
For enlightenment, play Quake on a VT100 or, equivalently, attend The First Online Church of "Bob".